I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.
I find myself chanting that phrase often these days, I can do this, especially when studying.
To reach goals we have for our family to obtain some much-needed stability there have been a lot of sacrifices made. It is often incredibly difficult in the heat of a semester for me to be able to keep my eye on the end goal. I’d rather cuddle with Gwen or be home to get JD off the bus. My house is always a disaster. I feel guilt about not being able to work more to help provide and about every cent we spend. I’ll nag poor Jeremy about the kids or the house and then guess what… I feel guilt about that too. Night classes mean I don’t see my son the majority of the week. I miss any church functions during the week, and even if it was on a weekend odds are good I’d be in a cadaver lab anyway. These are all just stresses from school, add life and it just multiplies everything. Can I do it and is it worth it?
I try to be positive and upbeat but as my mom and Jeremy can tell you I am often one sideways look away from a meltdown of my own. We knew this would be a tough semester, we tried to plan for it. I can’t imagine what it would be like if we hadn’t or even if Jeremy hadn’t lost his job and wasn’t home during the days.
The time is going to pass anyway. I’d rather be able to look back in a few years and have my diploma in hand working a dependable job than have the time pass with most of the same stresses but no end goal accomplished to improve anything. Don’t get me wrong. I would love to be able to stay home with the kids. I know they grow up far to quickly but the honest reality of our situation is that I must work. To be the mother I want to be as my kids get older and to be around as much as possible I have to sacrifice now as they are young. Hopefully they can remember their mommy taking time out for them even while working so hard to get through school. Maybe it will give them the boost to get through school while they are young. I hope they always remember if they don’t like the way things are going in their lives they have the power to change it! Whining may help you feel better for a second but it won’t change anything. It may not always be easy but they can do it. If mommy could, they can too!
This too shall pass, until then I cherish every tender moment with my kids and husband and I’ll just keep chanting I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.