For those of you that don’t know me well, I warn you. I sometimes use writing on this blog as a type of journal or therapy for myself. I find that I often feel better (or at least more clear) about things once I get them out of my head. Today is one of those days.
This week has been a nightmare. I keep hearing how strong I am and I just don’t feel it anymore, or I guess I don’t want to be strong right now. I can’t cry because then my kids do but I just want to lock myself in a room and throw a big pity party. I know it doesn’t accomplish anything but a girl can dream…
This morning we found out that my Grandpa had a massive stroke and we are still waiting on more news since he was transferred from one hospital to another. He is a hero of mine and my heart is broken while I sit and wait for news. I have a close relationship with my grandparents and it is making this all that much harder. I can’t stop thinking of my Grandma, and how much I wish I could be with her right now. I know they are advance in age but the man is in such great shape, loves running, and I can’t even picture him laying in a hospital bed. After the emotionally draining week we have had dealing with JD’s burns I am afraid I’m gonna have a nervous breakdown. I can’t, I don’t have time to… but part of me wants to just sit in a corner rocking with my hands over my ears. I understand now why sometimes Deeds tunes out when the environment is too stimulating for him.
The blessing today is how well JD is doing. He is back to himself it seems like and I have squeezed him closer since he is letting me today. It’s like a part of him knows I need the support. What a blessing he and his sister are. I can’t imagine sitting here alone right now waiting for Jeremy to get home. Who would have thought that a quirky 3 year old with autism and half his little face covered in burns would be so comforting.