Day 31: Whatever tickles your fancy

For those of you that don’t know me well, I warn you.  I sometimes use writing on this blog as a type of journal or therapy for myself.  I find that I often feel better (or at least more clear) about things once I get them out of my head.  Today is one of those days.

This week has been a nightmare.  I keep hearing how strong I am and I just don’t feel it anymore, or I guess I don’t want to be strong right now.  I can’t cry because then my kids do but I just want to lock myself in a room and throw a big pity party.  I know it doesn’t accomplish anything but a girl can dream…

This morning we found out that my Grandpa had a massive stroke and we are still waiting on more news since he was transferred from one hospital to another.  He is a hero of mine and my heart is broken while I sit and wait for news.  I have a close relationship with my grandparents and it is making this all that much harder.  I can’t stop thinking of my Grandma, and how much I wish I could be with her right now.  I know they are advance in age but the man is in such great shape, loves running, and I can’t even picture him laying in a hospital bed.  After the emotionally draining week we have had dealing with JD’s burns I am afraid I’m gonna have a nervous breakdown.  I can’t, I don’t have time to… but part of me wants to just sit in a corner rocking with my hands over my  ears.  I understand now why sometimes Deeds tunes out when the environment is too stimulating for him.

The blessing today is how well JD is doing.  He is back to himself it seems like and I have squeezed him closer since he is letting me today.  It’s like a part of him knows I need the support.  What a blessing he and his sister are.  I can’t imagine sitting here alone right now waiting for Jeremy to get home.  Who would have thought that a quirky 3 year old with autism and half his little face covered in burns would be so comforting.


Grandpa, Grandma and baby Gwen




8 thoughts on “Day 31: Whatever tickles your fancy

  1. Oh sweetie, I’m SO sorry to hear about your grandpa. This is such a hard time for you. Please take care of yourself and sometimes a good cry can be so therapeutic. I will continue to pray for you all! Sending lots of hugs…

  2. When it rains, it pours, you know? It’s ok to cry. I know this sound’s silly (And if it makes you laugh, so much the better), but I always feel a ton better after I cry in the shower. I feel so dramatic, like I’m in a movie. Because all the girls cry in the shower for whatever reason. And by the time I’m done showering and crying, I can laugh at myself for being so goofy.

    I’m sorry your life is so hard right now. We’re praying for you guys, and I love you.

  3. That’s a great picture of Grandma & Grandpa with Gwen 🙂 That was a beautiful moment captured, and so like them.

    Glad JD is giving you what you need today. I know what you mean about the “you are so strong” statements. It’s not like there’s much of a choice, right? It’s meant well, but those words can be draining rather than uplifting. Be gentle with yourself this week and don’t expect more than you can give. So what if you’re in a rocking chair all day while the kids hang out with you?! 🙂

  4. Is it weird that you’re the first person I thought of when I heard about Grandpa? We could all use quieter, uneventful weekends.

  5. Wow, so many hard things all at once. I am sorry that you are dealing with so much right now. We are praying for you and your family! I hope things get better quickly!

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