Things with JD’s Autism have been going well recently. He is communicating so much more and the therapies really seem to be helping him a lot. I was starting to feel comfortable and it even felt like the fits or meltdowns were decreasing. Then tonight rocked my world. When I got home from work JD was with his dad and having a hard time listening or focusing on Jeremy. Within 10 minutes JD was in the throws of the worst meltdown he has had to date. About 45 minutes into it he was sitting on the floor screaming, rocking back and forth, and alternating between plugging his ears and flapping his hands. Nothing we said or tried to do made it better. Everything seemed to make it worse till it got to the point that I was in tears. He wasn’t himself, he was someone else entirely and it took almost 2 hours to calm him down.
I’d like to say I handled it gracefully and it probably won’t happen again but I can’t. It sparked some new fears in me and brought some old ones back to the surface. All I ever wanted was the best for my kids. I never thought about what life would be like if there were larger challenges like this. I am thankful he did it all at home, where only his dad and I had to be there. I fear next time its that bad it will be in public. I know its part of life for us, but unlike a normal toddler and fits, JD isn’t as likely to grow out of them, and from what I’ve heard there is a good chance they could get worse like this one. I just pray for patience and understanding. I also worry about the day when he gets too strong for me to handle him. Sadly he is already almost there when he is breaking down and its a big concern.
I just needed to write a little to help calm myself down. Let there be no doubt that I love JD with all my heart. Tonight was just a shock since we haven’t had something escalate so quickly or last so long with such intensity.