Unable to sleep

I can’t get to sleep for some reason (yet again) so I decided to unload something that’s really been on my mind the past week.

Last week a friend of mine made a few comments about my size/weight during a very vulnerable moment for me.  She’s young and it was flippant and I know she probably didn’t mean any harm by it but obviously didn’t think about what was coming out of her mouth.  She continued on like she hadn’t said anything and I tried to just ignore it.  I did ok until about 20 minutes later I was in tears about it.  I know I should let it go, her problem not mine… but ugh.

Since I was 10 years old I’ve been told about every diet and weight loss plan under the sun.  I’ve tried almost all of them and spent countless hundreds of dollars on trying to loose weight because I felt that’s what I had to do.  Sometimes things would work but in the long run I would gain back double what I’d lost.  Now as an adult I wish I could have felt ok as a younger woman and just maintained the weight I was.  I wasn’t unhealthy, I was just trying to fit an ideal.  I’m sure people blame my parents for my size (ridiculous), but it’s not like they didn’t encourage me to make positive choices.  I was on swim teams from the age of 4 until I was 17 years old.  I even participated in track and field for 2 years in High School (little known fact).  Even with all that the smallest I ever was in High School was a size 12.  The deal is it’s taken me 29 years to decide that while I wouldn’t mind loosing 30 pounds (weight I was 3 years ago), I’m ok being bigger than the ‘norm’.  If you put a golf ball in a shoe box and another one in a refrigerator box guess what, it’s still a golf ball, the only difference is the package it is in.  Just because I’m this size doesn’t mean I am any different on the inside than someone else.  We ALL have our challenges in this life, one of mine just happens to be external.

No all that being said.  I’m am so proud of all of you that take extra care of yourselves.  I will never stop trying to be healthy, it’ll be a never ending endevure for me.  I’ve just decided that being healthy and being skinny are not the same thing for me and that is OK!  🙂  I just wanted to put my feelings out there.  I know my friend didn’t mean harm, but maybe she should have thought about what she was saying a bit first.  We all do that sometimes don’t we.  I’m sorry to anyone I may have hurt over the years by not thinking first.  Love you guys… and just because I LOVE this song so much!

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10 thoughts on “Unable to sleep

  1. That was a great video. Fighting the weight loss/gain battle is a vicious circle – and regardless of where a person is at on the scale, most people stuggle with it.

    I’ve always thought you were one of the most beautiful people on the inside and out Bobbie!

  2. Bobbie you are and always have been beautiful. I don’t think you should try to change yourself for anyone else. I think you are amazing and wish that I had half of the strength, talent and personality that you have. I am proud of you for being so strong. It is always something that I will try to emulate. (= I wish I was as comfortable in my skin as you are.

  3. Hey, Bobbie, I’ve been thinking about the same stuff lately. Because my daughter told me I should go on biggest loser after telling me those people are all FAT.

    *sigh*

    I’ve struggled with weight my whole life, too, been told I was fat from the time I was a kid, and even when I was a size 8 (and starved myself to get there in high school), people *still* told me I was fat. I have come to the same conclusions you have: Me healthy does not mean me skinny. Plus, there are a whole lot of unhealthy skinny people in the world.

    Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. Hugs.

  4. Okay…you just made me cry…not sure why…but this blog kind of hit home. You are right..we are all different and what works for some doesn’t work for others. I tell you what…your comments to me yesterday put me on cloud 9! I know you did not mean for them to, but it is a constant struggle and to hear ‘good job’ makes me feel great! I LOVE YOU!!!! 🙂

  5. One of the reasons that I didn’t go to the 10 year reunion is becasue I am officially 100 pounds heavier than i was in highschool. I was embarrased to go. I just got a gym membership and am working to lose weight. I just want you to know that I don’t know anyone who feels like they are at a good weight. Everybody thinks they could loose some pounds. From what I remember of you, you are a awsome, fun energetic person and I know that if you put your mind to something you will achieve it. HUGS!!

  6. You are ridiculously gorgeous. And let me tell you, I’m not just saying that. If I didn’t think you were beautiful, I’d just say something like, “Gee, that sucks. Sorry for the mean comments!” I want you to know that too, but the thing to take away from my comment is I love to look at you. 😉

  7. I just want to say ditto to all the other comments made! I don’t know if you knew this already, but I teach health in high school, and I know that “healthy” means a lot of different things, and skinny is NOT one of them. You are beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing about something so personal!

  8. I’ve endured the same thing, Bobbie. I rarely ever drink sodas or eat fried foods, but I am the heaviest of three brothers, and they eat crap all the time.

    Being healthy and being thin are indeed two different things.

    Oh, and you’re totally pretty. Char says so too 🙂

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