I can’t get to sleep for some reason (yet again) so I decided to unload something that’s really been on my mind the past week.
Last week a friend of mine made a few comments about my size/weight during a very vulnerable moment for me. She’s young and it was flippant and I know she probably didn’t mean any harm by it but obviously didn’t think about what was coming out of her mouth. She continued on like she hadn’t said anything and I tried to just ignore it. I did ok until about 20 minutes later I was in tears about it. I know I should let it go, her problem not mine… but ugh.
Since I was 10 years old I’ve been told about every diet and weight loss plan under the sun. I’ve tried almost all of them and spent countless hundreds of dollars on trying to loose weight because I felt that’s what I had to do. Sometimes things would work but in the long run I would gain back double what I’d lost. Now as an adult I wish I could have felt ok as a younger woman and just maintained the weight I was. I wasn’t unhealthy, I was just trying to fit an ideal. I’m sure people blame my parents for my size (ridiculous), but it’s not like they didn’t encourage me to make positive choices. I was on swim teams from the age of 4 until I was 17 years old. I even participated in track and field for 2 years in High School (little known fact). Even with all that the smallest I ever was in High School was a size 12. The deal is it’s taken me 29 years to decide that while I wouldn’t mind loosing 30 pounds (weight I was 3 years ago), I’m ok being bigger than the ‘norm’. If you put a golf ball in a shoe box and another one in a refrigerator box guess what, it’s still a golf ball, the only difference is the package it is in. Just because I’m this size doesn’t mean I am any different on the inside than someone else. We ALL have our challenges in this life, one of mine just happens to be external.
No all that being said. I’m am so proud of all of you that take extra care of yourselves. I will never stop trying to be healthy, it’ll be a never ending endevure for me. I’ve just decided that being healthy and being skinny are not the same thing for me and that is OK! 🙂 I just wanted to put my feelings out there. I know my friend didn’t mean harm, but maybe she should have thought about what she was saying a bit first. We all do that sometimes don’t we. I’m sorry to anyone I may have hurt over the years by not thinking first. Love you guys… and just because I LOVE this song so much!