I am not going to lie. It’s been a pretty rough week. A LOT of things came crashing down and my PMSing self didn’t handle them well. I’ve been wound on a pretty tight string with family issues, money, an injured finger (very bad for a massage therapist), job interviews, job rejections, self doubt, decisions, school, parenting, the list goes on. Tonight was the icing on the cake:
When I started school I made it a goal to get perfect attendance. To achieve this you can’t ever be late or miss any classes. I know myself and I knew that if I started to let it slide then it would be a struggle to keep up so I decided to try and not slide at all. I have been 15-30 minutes early to every class (with very few exceptions) so that I was not late. The first term came and went and guess what… TADA I did it. Perfect attendance and a 4.0 GPA. This week I really started to worry that I wouldn’t be able to maintain the 4.0 because I’m struggling a lot with anatomy and finding time to study. At least I still had my perfect attendance right!
Our carpool left Lindon with an hour and 10 minutes to get up to the University of Utah for the Cadaver lab tonight. Typically that would still give us time to spare for any slow traffic. NOT tonight. We knew about closures on I-215 and I-80, what we didn’t expect is an accident to happen at 1300 South and the State High School Football game at the U of U stadium. Needless to say we walked into the Lab not quite 15 minutes late. It was the perfect storm and it was out of our control. Two out of the four of us had perfect attendance until tonight.
I handled it alright until I had to sign the roll to show I was late. I put my head down and the pressures of the week just started to come out. I couldn’t stop crying. Ugh it was so annoying. I would finally calm down and just focus on studying for the tests we had tonight (2 of them) but people kept coming over and asking if I was ok and I’d just cry again. I finally started to tell people I didn’t want to talk and not to touch me. I’m sure I hurt some peoples feelings but I would have NEVER stopped crying after the week I had if I couldn’t just put emotions away and focus on dead people and their muscles and bones.
Needless to say I no longer have perfect attendance. Yes I’m going to try and fight it, I have news reports printed out about the accidents and football games. I’m not holding my breath however.
I am sure there are many of you saying “so what”. It’s not that I wanted it to put on some big grand resume. It was a personal goal… something I’m really not good at. I’ve set many personal goals in my life and achieved very VERY few of them. I am aware I had no control over the game, or traffic, however in my state of mind tonight it didn’t matter. I’d lost hold on something I’d really been working hard for.
I’m sure I’ll wake up in the morning and feel a bit better. Since I do use the blog as a journal however you all get to listen to my ranting and stress.